apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
