I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize