ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
