Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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