literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
