hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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