I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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