The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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