this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
