He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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