I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
