idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
