I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
