This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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