STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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