At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
