those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
