it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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