I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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