i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
