i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We are two peas in an std pod
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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