My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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