Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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