so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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