Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
