so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
