so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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