11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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