I wannas sexs uuuuu
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Randomize
