I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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