4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Less talking, more tequila
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize