i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
