I will die if light touches me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
