he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
