Got a toothbrush?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
