I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
