I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
