I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
