apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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