Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
