Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
