My liver just broke up with me...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
