new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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