I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
