Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
