I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
