i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
