My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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