I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize