it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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