I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
