I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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