All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
