you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
