just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
