I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
third nipple confirmed
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
