i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I have aggressive nipples.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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