Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
