I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
