Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
