I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
