yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
