I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
