I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I want to be your penis for a week.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
