just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
