not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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