tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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