I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
