why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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