Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
