Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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