Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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