Is it because I queefed?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
