help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize