I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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