I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize