Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
