Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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