Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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