I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
