does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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