woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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