So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
so much tequila, so little girl.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
