good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
