and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
