Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
