I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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