I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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