I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
